April 27, 2006

• It is early, I got up very early to help Dwayne Jocky around our three cars. We picked up the Volvo yesterday. I am so torn between a feeling of excitement because we got a new car that I get to drive all the time and the empty feeling of loss for our beloved Acura. We love that car. It is very much a part of our family. Dwayne proposed to me in that car. It is not going to be easy to sell the car. As I tear up even now. Yeah I am pregnant so what!  UGH.

  
  

  We are on edge lately. Dwayne & I and even little Georgia, maybe she is picking up on our anxiousness or she’s got a little of her own. She is very concerned about my belly. She tries to help me up when I get up off the couch and when I wince from strong kicks or mild contractions she is right there saying, “Mama, what’s wrong? Is it your belly? Your belly hurts?”.  It is really cute. She is also very fussy, I don’t know if this is related to the vibes we are giving off or if she is going through her own terrible 2’s type thing, but she can be really bad. It is the tantrums that really get me. Last night we went for pizza, she had several tantrums while we were there. Each one was worse than the one before.  First, she wanted to change positions at the table, instead of sitting next to Dwayne she wanted to sit next to me, in the middle of dinner. I was felling really bad so I really didn’t want her next to me bouncing around and hugging me and what not. I love her dearly but I was feeling pretty bad. Then she wanted to go to the bathroom after just returning from the bathroom twice and not producing anything. This resulted in her pulling on my hand screaming and crying until I gave in and took her to the bathroom. She produced a little pee. I think I would have been really mad if she had not. I told her while we were in the bathroom how she was making me mad with pointless trips to the bathroom. Maybe that had some effect and she went that time, I dunno. The last tantrum happened after she was done eating Dwayne took her into the game room that is adjacent to the dining area. I tried to eat and he & Georgia went to play games. After a while Dwayne noticed I was ready to go home, still not feeling good and so he swoops up the kiddo and she freaks out. Screaming, “I want to play”. We left with out putting on her sweater. It didn’t even stop once we got home. One tragedy after another, she is my little drama queen right now. It just sux when she gets like that.  I eventually got her to relax with me on the recliner. It was my favorite part of the whole day. She finds a lot of comfort in playing with my hair. So we rocked in the recliner, she played with my hair and we relaxed. It was a really sweet way to end the day.

  
  

  All of this will be over soon. May 5^th is the eviction date for our little boy. We are still struggling with names.  We have begun to revisit names that we thought of before.  I think the trouble is that I am looking for a more unusual classic name or family name and Dwayne is looking for an original yet newer name.

  
  

  Examples:

  
  

  Me: Emmett, Oliver, Cecil, Dennis, Dewey  

  
  

  Dwayne: Xander, Mason, Dylan, Deuce

  
  

  No juniors for us.

  
  

  It just sux. I cannot believe that we have come all of this way with no name. We call him “the boy” or “the little one” or even just, “the baby”.  Once in a while Dwayne will rub my belly and say “What’s up Son?”. Last night he jokingly said we could just call him “No Name Bell” aka No Bell. It doesn’t really sound that bad until you start thinking of the repercussions.  I am sure it would turn into “No Balls” once he reached middle school.  I think that the repercussions of the name we choose are the biggest deciding factor that we are struggling with. 

  
  

  Then I think of that Johnny Cash song, “A boy named Sue.”

  
  

  My daddy left home when I was three
  And he didn't leave much to ma and me
  Just this old guitar and an empty bottle of booze.
  Now, I don't blame him cause he run and hid
  But the meanest thing that he ever did
  Was before he left, he went and named me "Sue."

  
  

  Well, he must o' thought that is quite a joke
  And it got a lot of laughs from a' lots of folk,
  It seems I had to fight my whole life through.
  Some gal would giggle and I'd get red
  And some guy'd laugh and I'd bust his head,
  I tell ya, life ain't easy for a boy named "Sue."

  
  

  Well, I grew up quick and I grew up mean,
  My fist got hard and my wits got keen,
  I'd roam from town to town to hide my shame.
  But I made a vow to the moon and stars
  That I'd search the honky-tonks and bars
  And kill that man who gave me that awful name.

  
  

  Well, it was Gatlinburg in mid-July
  And I just hit town and my throat was dry,
  I thought I'd stop and have myself a brew.
  At an old saloon on a street of mud,
  There at a table, dealing stud,
  Sat the dirty, mangy dog that named me "Sue."

  
  

  Well, I knew that snake was my own sweet dad
  From a worn-out picture that my mother'd had,
  And I knew that scar on his cheek and his evil eye.
  He was big and bent and gray and old,
  And I looked at him and my blood ran cold
  And I said: "My name is 'Sue!' How do you do!
  Now your gonna die!!"

  
  

  Well, I hit him hard right between the eyes
  And he went down, but to my surprise,
  He come up with a knife and cut off a piece of my ear.
  But I busted a chair right across his teeth
  And we crashed through the wall and into the street
  Kicking and a' gouging in the mud and the blood and the beer.

  
  

  I tell ya, I've fought tougher men
  But I really can't remember when,
  He kicked like a mule and he bit like a crocodile.
  I heard him laugh and then I heard him cuss,
  He went for his gun and I pulled mine first,
  He stood there lookin' at me and I saw him smile.

  
  

  And he said: "Son, this world is rough
  And if a man's gonna make it, he's gotta be tough
  And I knew I wouldn't be there to help ya along.
  So I give ya that name and I said goodbye
  I knew you'd have to get tough or die
  And it's the name that helped to make you strong."

  
  

  He said: "Now you just fought one hell of a fight
  And I know you hate me, and you got the right
  To kill me now, and I wouldn't blame you if you do.
  But ya ought to thank me, before I die,
  For the gravel in ya guts and the spit in ya eye
  Cause I'm the son-of-a-bitch that named you "Sue.'"

  
  

  I got all choked up and I threw down my gun
  And I called him my pa, and he called me his son,
  And I came away with a different point of view.
  And I think about him, now and then,
  Every time I try and every time I win,
  And if I ever have a son, I think I'm gonna name him
  Bill or George! Anything but Sue! I still hate that name!

  • 8:33 am
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